“Howard Gordon wanted Saul to be Jewish, and I think with Mandy, there’s, like, a stereotype of these intellectual Jews. But he is sexual, you know? He’s a man. Being a Jew from New York, married to a Jew, I can tell you that there aren’t a lot of those guys. He is just so virile.”
“An earlier version of this article and the picture caption with it included outdated information about Ms. Kushner’s Galaxie 500. While it was out of service when Ms. Kushner was interviewed, it is now running again.”
“Dorsey’s last Instagram shot perhaps said the proverbial thousand words about it all: a picture of an empty Muni bus.”
Review: Birthday Cake Oreos
Yesterday I went to Ralph’s in Studio City by myself. I usually have one or both sons in tow; strolling through the aisles unencumbered felt both nostalgic and novel. It was a real Calgon moment for old Brookie.
I saw that they had Birthday Cake Oreos. I don’t buy that trans-fatty Mississippi shit for my kids, but I definitely eat it myself. I threw them in the cart next to all the lame organic fruit, salmon etc. that I impose on my family. Suckers!
“Birthday cake” is my favorite flavor of anything. As a descriptor, it makes me laugh because we all know a birthday cake can be anything from Fudgie the Whale to a Princess situation. And yet, if you see a snack food or frozen novelty that claims to “birthday cake”-flavored, you know what it means. Yellow cake with white frosting and perhaps a suggestion of Blue No. 1. You know. BIRTHDAY CAKE. I love that flavor. Adore it.
I told the cashier (Sandra, who had been partying the night before, and was just about to clock off) to keep my Oreos seperate from the rest of the haul because I intended to eat them in the car privately. She gave me a weird look, but complied.
I placed the Oreos on the front seat of my car and peeled away the convenient self-adhesive Diabetes Flap that Oreos come with now. I began driving and eating the Oreos. For a brief, emotional moment, the sun came out. I mean that figuratively. The moment I start “Private Car Eating,” my serotonin levels surge past baseline and go supernova. The roof of my mom SUV becomes the shade of the bodhi tree; my knees and other attachment points seem to sublimate, I am limbless, I become happiness.
The moment passed as I realized that the Oreos were not exceptional. They taste like regular Oreos with a faint, buttery, cake-like foretaste. Honestly, I thought it would be big. I thought it was going to be like being butt-fucked by Duncan Hines. I expected something like the Ann-Margret pudding scene from Tommy, except with birthday cake. Imagine someone inserted a series of tan, medical-grade rubber hoses into all your orifices, then used a flywheel-type launch system to quickly, brutally deliver cake/frosting sludge into the network of hoses, killing you but also flooding your entire carcass with the memory of your fourth birthday party. That’s what I wanted, Nabisco.
I’ll eat the rest of them, but I’m disappointed! 2.5 stars.
“We live in the era of President Barack Obama,” Ulaby adds. “Welcome to the new American nomenclature.”
“In fact, the companies ended up creating a proprietary seasoner in the process, not least because for workers on the manufacturing line, the plumes of Doritos seasoning would create an almost Nacho Cheese gas chamber. “We realized pretty quickly that we had to seal that all in, because in the facilities, we couldn’t have all that stuff in the air,” Creed says. “It would’ve been too much seasoning and flavor for our workers. We had to enclose it so the seasoning wouldn’t escape. It would’ve been overpowering.”
“It’s just God-awful,” Kevin Cassem, a bookseller at McNally Jackson, said on Tuesday. “ ‘The Great Gatsby’ is a pillar of American literature, and people don’t want it messed with. We’re selling the classic cover and have no intention of selling the new one.”
“Like Mr. Lhota, Mr. Frangoulis said he had had to cut back. “I’m 52,” he explained. “I love my teeth.”